Pt. 3 Positive vs. Negative

Ah, I think everyday, "Monica, you need to blog!" and I do want to blog, but other pointless random things take over me, and I end up not blogging.

The two blogs previous to this one were done to help me with this one today. I wouldn't normally just compile a list of reasons I don't like myself like that, because it appears that I feel sorry for myself and want sympathy. That is not the case. Anyway...

So why is it that we can see more of the negative in ourselves? Maybe it falls back to the way our parents raised us. I think that greatly applies in my own case. Though, I must admit, the majority of who I am today has been created from my family environment. Anyhow, back to why we view ourselves in a negative light... As far as I can remember, I have always been told I can do better, better than great. (Ah, okay here I stopped, 10 days ago... so now I'm trying to continue)

As a child I was always put into the "gifted" classes. I remember always being the top of my classes even just as a kid. Eventhough my parents had this child who was pretty bright, my dad would still pick on how my handwriting wasn't good enough. Seriously. (I still have shit handwriting)We would be in the family room working on my homework, rather, my father would watch me do my homework, and would yell at me about how messy my handwriting was. Angry screaming. Maybe it's because even then my mother was never around.

All throughout high school I'd received quite a bit recognition for my artwork. By this time in my life, thirteen years old through present day, (ah, stopped here, and am picking back up Aug. 13th)I view myself in a negative light. I remember one time I'd won some place runner's up for an art piece I submitted for the Rodeo (mandatory in my art class) which was a big accomplishment. After 5 months working on that piece, it turning out well, my mother's ONLY response to it was, "oh, that's nice" Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Around a month later, my sister was angry and tore my artwork up. I was soooo furious! I was also crying, my mother didn't show me any sense of sympathy. It was so meaningless to her. My accomplishment. Anything I was remotely proud of never received recognition.


It's now November 1st. I'm just ending this entry. I had way too many thoughts for this.

Things I do like about Monica...

Title is self-explanatory.

I like that most of the time I can see positive in people. I like that I can usually see all points of view. I like that I am understanding. I like that I am a good listener. I like that I am the daughter my parents are proud of. I like my long hair. I like that I laugh a lot. I like that I am friendly to strangers. I like that I am a vegetarian. I like that I have a fairly good head on my shoulders. I like that I am kind to animals. I like that I help others when I can. I like that I am giving. I like that I am girly. I like that I have an interest in learning new things. I like that I don't smoke. I like my sense of humor. I like my ability to see positive in a negative situation. I like the progress I've made as a person in my life.

Love,
Yourself