I wrote most of this on February 18, 2010.
Friends with benefits are supposed to be the uncomplicated relationships we have in which we just gain sexual pleasure without the sticky emotional attachments. Some time ago I took a class that actually had a definition for a "friends with benefits relationship (FWBR)" which thoroughly amused me. Do people need a definition of what a friends with benefits relationship is? I suppose it's true that we all have our different definitions of what those relationships should or should not encompass. For the past half year or so I've definitely fought with my personal definition of what a FWB should be and where he's not welcomed.
I've fought a lot with ending that relationship for the past several many months.
Strangely enough, when the year mark was approaching I was certain I was going to end things because in my mind a FWBR shouldn't go longer than a year. Part of it might have been due to the fact that I was really falling in love with another guy, which I did want a full, all-encompassing relationship... but we cannot have that now or even in the very near future.
Having sex with that same person for over a year without gaining extended feelings seems unnatural to the outside world, which caused me to question what was really going on. Was I strange that I really didn't want more with that person? A couple people had told me that they *knew* I had feelings for him, or else I wouldn't have been sleeping with him and sleeping for him as long as I did. People also told me that they *knew* he had feelings for me. The silly thing is that if either one of us felt feelings for each other wouldn't that have been something that came out between us?
There were definitely things, other than the duration of the fuck-buddy relationship, that made red flags of worry and question whether he and I were crossing boundaries. How often we saw each other, the great amount of communication between us, spending nights together, bringing him around family, sharing intimate details about our personal lives/pasts. Those are the things I do with boyfriends. Become great friends and lovers. I recognize the difference in the way you treat a fuck-buddy and a boyfriend, but I don't feel that he so much does. Yet, I still go along with it. Having mentioned that there is already emotional investment in another guy (who lives out-of-state, and see next to never)I figure that would be the obvious reason of why I don't confuse sexual compatibility with emotional and mental compatibility with the f-b.. Also, likely why I allow those boundaries to be blurred, because I recognize he (f-b) blurs them and doesn't mean more with those actions and that there is no interest for more than a FWBR. At the same time I receive that pseudo-affection that I don't receive from the guy I'm in love with, due to distance. I wonder if that makes sense to anyone else. Surely? My benefit is sex and affection.
--Picking up on May 15th (today)--
My thought lately has been, if you have a close friendship with someone and spend more time with them than you do anyone else, don't mix sex into it if you're emotionally invested in someone else. It's a very sticky situation in justifying your sexual actions. It doesn't make a bit of sense to maintain the blurred FWBR when both parties are trying to be involved with other people. How's that for dim enlightenment? Haha.
I think I have more to say about it, but I've been looking at my laptop screen for far too long with these tired eyes.
Au revoir.
xoxo
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